The other day someone who is ungrateful, dysfunctional and a bully told me a story of their friend who went partying even though their mom was just admitted to hospital. I am a believer that life goes on and if there is nothing you can do, don’t stress over it. In this case I did not think it appropriate but it was justified. The person most likely went ahead to the party as all their life their mother was a dysfunctional bitch. Sorry to say but its true.
The mother would ignore the child’s chronic illness and also degrade and emasculate the father. This is where I come in as I have faced similar emasculation, though not for as many years.
When I heard this bitch was afflicted with cancer I said in my mind, and now on paper “that’s what you get you ****ing bitch.” I was ashamed of myself for thinking that but I still felt I was justified. I prayed to God to forgive me of my insensitive thoughts but it took some time to go away. My anger and hate came from my being able to relate to the father going through decades of being **** on, daily. His youth being ground down and blown away in the wind.
I thought that I would write him a letter saying how this is his time to enjoy life now that she is going to be dead. God help me. I’m the most docile worm you ever met but my mind takes me to some dark places at times. I’m not the one who gave her the cancer, her behavior and the universe did that. The universe is punishing me also right now, I think…
Anyways, don’t think I’m the worst person in the world. There are about what, 8 billion people by now? I’m maybe in the top 3 billion worst.
Let me pray. God please have mercy on me, and please help me to earn your favor so I may live comfortably and happy in this life and the next. Amen.
Featured image by https://www.flickr.com/photos/denisdervisevic/