I wrote this post earlier on my phone. Tap, tap tap, and poof I destroyed somehow.
Breaking from tradition as I periodically do. I am gong to write about a topic that I consider only a effeminate or mentally/egotistically/emotionally weak man would write about. That is the topic of relationships.
What prompted me to discuss this topic is the torturous marriage of my family member. The Abu Gharib slash Guantanomo slash Black Site slash Siberian Work camp of a marriage my nuclear family member is enduring. I will call him Jean.
Jean is a optimistic, gentle, hippy, dreamer similar to a 1970s American dad minus the drugs and long hair. He has worked hard to allow his wife to be able to stay home an not have had to work for the past 15 years. She is more of a medieval Shakespearean shrew. So they are living in two different eras. She feels entitled to be a kept woman, while simultaneously not keeping home. Jean has to not only work in the outside world but he has to come home and execute the domestic projects also. Her logic is that her contribution of producing children entitles her to a lifetime retirement that started at 20 years old.
I have been observing their relation-shit for the past 15 years and have been aware of her destruction of property, her physical attacks, her violent outbursts and her misappropriation and waste of finances. Jean is prideful so I have to obtain my information by-proxy through third parties. She has even made verbal attacks towards my person unprovoked.
Now, the added tragedy is that I, with first hand and second hand experience of that relationship have entered into a similar one. One where I a giving, giving, giving and she is demanding, taking, taking and taking some more. In addition to that eating, expanding and aging. Now after that last line I probably lost 80% of female reader’s attention but I will continue. I am no Ronaldo or George Clooney but what I have lost(minimally) in aesthetics I have compensated for in increased net worth and a more affable demeanor. As its doubly hindering to be abrasive and hard on the eyes. I will add that I believe myself deserving of my lot, as I have been a pig, playboy and womanizer in past relationships. So it may be karma.
My lady conversely suffers also from my lack of emotion, my reluctance to conform to her whims and my nagging about financial discipline. My constant advice is interpreted as negative criticism and “judging.” From her perspective I do not provide her with sexual experimentation aka I am “not a freak” enough for her. Before I forget I am also cheap. I am certain she could explain it in a better fashion and of course I am biased towards my own perspective. So you may have to stretch and embellish on my list of flaws.
Jean and I have the same father, and he used to always say to us “You have to sleep in your bed the way you spread it.” A very defeated and depressing if not profound statement. He(Dad) himself felt he was deserving of punishment for his breaking hearts during his youth and not living up to his academic potential, wasting career opportunities but instead choosing to be a hippy during the 1970s. My mother could list his many transgressions. She was the ambitious career person in their relationship.
To think of it now that I am writing these things down, I recall that my other brother has a abusive girlfriend. I don’t have time to get into his plight but he probably deserves it the most. Hes a real pariah to the world. If you asked his girlfriend she could relay a long list of his transgressions.
I know of no relationship that has any similarity to that of the 1950s American family. The delusion of the ideal relationship or family is unrealistic. It may be a goal to reach towards but without a lot of therapy, forgiveness, respect and discipline-wait. Forget all those things. The ideal family is a myth. The ideal person, which is a component of a family is a myth. Organic beings are inherently imperfect. Not even diamond are perfect. The bigger picture from the outside, standing at a distance, if the light hits it just right, may seem perfect. Under further inspection there are cracks, dirt, voids and weak points.
The wife, the husband, the cat, the dog, the fish, the hampster, the bird, and the bacteria are all facing a struggle to coexist with the other life forms in the environment. Each with their individual perspective which they feel legitimizes their case that they are suffering and their interest deserves the highest priority. Then there are sad weak enablers that are masochist who love to endure punishment. From the least celled life form all the way up to a whale. From a self immolating monk to Adolf Hitler has their struggle.