Category Archives: humor

I love my wife.

Now this may be out of character, but when you reach male mid-life crisis or what I call(probably a lot of others said it before) man-on-pause, you begin to do a few things out of your character.

I recently and reluctantly upgraded to a new Android phone from a Windows 8.1 Nokia Lumina 640 phone. I thoroughly enjoyed the phone with few exceptions mostly related to the lack of support from app developers. The Windows phone 7/8 OS had more bundled features in the beginning. After 8.1 came out things started going downhill  Here are a list of gripes:

  • My Bloomberg app was filled with bugs and stopped getting updates.
  • The Instagram, Twitter, Facebook apps were not fully functional due to lack of updates.
  • Wall Street Journal, USA Today, Marketwatch apps crashed often.
  • All the cool new popular social apps(AirBnB, Snapchat etc were not available)

Overall the good features outweighed the bad. The few limitations were not a problem for me as the phone was already a distraction enough. It was very good at:

  • Low price
  • Durable Case
  • Keeping up with the news
  • Syncing emails
  • Listening to the radio on TuneIn
  • Calculator
  • Bluetooth connectivity
  • Voice Commands
  • Organizing photographs, podcasts and music
  • Opening documents(Acrobat, Word)
  • Internet hot-spot sharing
  • Battery life
  • GPS(Mapquest app, not the built in Bing maps)

There were more features that made the phone great for a person who needed it to communicate, do business and basic entertainment. It was not so great for social(government intrusion) activities like Facebook live, periscope, twitter video, Snapchat, etc. The windows phone could have picked up where Blackberry left off, but it was crushed by the marketing geniuses at Apple(and Samsung aka poor mans Apple). House of cards and other shows had a few Windows Phone product placements, but those are shows targeted to middle aged people like myself.There was no marketing to the youth, the hip-hop community, the druggy community, the nerd community, the sports community or any other large demographic. You would think a company who made one of the richest men on earth would throw a few coins to IAC to come up with a viral campaign. I felt betrayed this year after Microsoft announced that they would no longer be manufacturing windows phones. They just recently purchased Nokia’s mobile phone division and not barely 3 years later shut it down. That to me is the sign of a quitter. Currently Apple has a desktop PC market share of something like 17%(don’t quote me). They still have not quit. Microsoft frankly is like the Knicks. Highest paid and talented, but still can not get over.

Now to get to the title of this post, I saved the best Windows 8.1 feature for last for a reason. If you have bared to take the time to read my rant you deserve a little candy.

Last year when I was going through man-on-pause, I began dating one, two, three, maybe four people simultaneously. At times they would call me when I was on a date with another and this made me uncomfortable and frankly nervous. Thankfully Windows is a great wing-man and included a feature that allowed me to block calls and texts selectively. The calls would get dropped and not go to voicemail, and texts would be held in a certain area of the device and not make an alert. Later on when my date was over I could go to this area and see that I had a missed call or the text that was blocked. I would then text or call back the blocked person saying that I did not see their call or text, which was effectively true. So this enabled me to be comfortable and not get interrupted. Also, as the Windows Phone market share is so minuscule, the majority of people would not know how to operate the  phone to get to the area, so I wouldn’t get busted. I really miss this feature as it is not available on Android. I have to do so much real time manipulation of my phone not to get busted it is not worth the advantages of having fully functional social(government intrusion) apps. There was only one occasion where someone got around the block but it was a result of them being blocked for weeks without any follow-up. They called from a different phone number, but thankfully I was at a safe place(work). I am not married yet, but if I was, and I got busted, then had to go to divorce court and they told me I had to part with 50% of my assets, I would say weeping “I love my wife.” Like they say, [It’s cheaper to keep her.]

 

 

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Stop, theif!!

Today I want to rant about wage theft. I’m certain anyone that works for a salary and not an hourly wage can identify with what I will write.

Now all my young adult like I aspired to make thousands of dollars so I could make my parents proud and fund my creative activities and partying. When I was finally offered a living wage. I realized the concessions necessary to maintain that job compromised time with family and doing the fun things I expected the job to finance. I especially was not making a living wage if I divided my earnings by the amount of hours I worked and multiplied by 40 hours.

I felt deceived, no, dare I say, I felt robbed. Recently the HR department presented all the workers with a contract regarding “Wage Theft.” How dare they! Anyways just as we are all doing, I quivered in fear of reprisals and signed stating that the company has been compensating for hours worked over 40/week. By my calculations I have been robbed $16,000/year working overtime without compensation.

I must say though, that nowhere does it state that workers must work extra hours. It is an unspoken rule, somewhat of a culture. On at least two occasions it has gone beyond unspoken when my boss has stated [we all need to stay late, and if that’s a problem then we have a problem.] Being the submissive, yes-man that I am, I did not grab him by the throat ant throttle his wrinkly neck.

I must say that labor has gotten weak. What happened to the unions backed by Mafia dons who would punish these bosses and spread the spoils to keep the troops in good morale?(I’ve been watching a lot of Mafia documentaries of late.) Companies would not dare to send jobs away to another country or even state. They would not dare anger labor who had physical prowess to backup their pageantry.

I will close by saying that I am grateful that I am working for this company, in a time where jobs are scarce. I am definitely loyal and will provide them with a positive ROI. For how long is the only question, as I will take my talents elsewhere in conditions do not improve. Ideally to my own company, where I will reap the rewards and retards of exploiting my own labor.

Downtime

In my last post, no, the one before that. I stated I’m getting out of playing with stocks. So far I have been able to stay clean for the past month. Trading is akin to gambling addiction.

In other news I saw a blurb of an article online stating that the old convention of having traders on the floor of one of the exchanges will be going away. I am surprised it didn’t go away sooner. The internet and technology has killed another set of jobs and we financed it. Soon enough with the development of what will be the next best thing to artificial intelligence we will all be out of a job. I stopped using automatic checkouts 2 years ago. If you replace low skill, low wage jobs with machines, what will the HS drop-outs have to do except lean on the system. Is that what we want? To replace people with machines, put them on public assistance and leave the burden of generating the money to a few? Smart people are stupid.

Reading an FT article today it appears the economy is not growing as much as it should be. People are not consuming as much as expected. Its in my opinion that the country is collectively emotionally depressed. In my opinion somewhat depressed people go out and buy food, drink, drugs or electronics to feel better. The severely depressed don’t leave their homes, they don’t go on dates, wash their cars, have dinner out, buy electronic gadgets,condoms, penicillin…. they don’t spend(if they have an income). The doom of the economic crisis, war, revolution, job security, government spying, erosion of civil liberties, celebrity deaths, everyday life and just plain bad news has sucked the mojo out of the people. We need some goos news, we need to get the peoples mojo going. YEAH BABY!! Unless this happens were going to see more angry depressed losers doing acts of violence to themselves and others. Get the low wage jobs back. Smash some of these computers. Give ore positive economic forecasts, and if you have nothing good to say shut up. Stop grabbing nuts at the airport so people can take trips and come here for vacation. Lets have some fun music like BeachBoys or bring back Disco. Get rid of sucky movies like Twilight, more movies like Airplane and Spaceballs. Cut out online dating and bring the hermits out of their houses and back into the economy. No more hermits, no more hermits, no more hermits……..